Claps of Thunder
I do not own the boys
I was thinking about writing something like this all through yesterday but with more physical violence and it turned out like this. Hope you like it and don't kill me. I still love me some Jared.
Summary: They had just been fighting a lot and then...nothing. Just Silence.
Jensen sighed and stood outside his apartment for a while. He didn't want to go in. He was almost afraid to go in. He didn't know what he would see. Sighing again, he twisted the knob and entered.
The place was dark and he exhaled a breath in relief. Carefully hanging his coat, he changed into his night wear and padded carefully to the couch, his spot for the night. He lay down gently, careful that the couch not creaks in any way. Jensen closed his eyes and prayed his roommate turned lover didn't wake up.
Snapping his eyes open, green eyes surveyed the darkened room in alarm. Panting, he rose from the couch quickly checking for the time. Glancing at his watch, he saw it was 3am, in the morning. Staggering into the kitchen for a drink of water, he didn't notice the looming figure at the alcove between the coffee machine and the microwave. Tearing the fridge door open, Jensen yelped at the expression adorned on wide pink lips.
Jensen stood for a minute fidgeting; he dare not break the eye contact. Feeling like those intense eyes had calm; he grabbed the bottle and bolted. Chugging the water quickly and curling on his side, Jensen cringed at the bang of the bedroom door and rocked himself back to sleep.
Hearing the alarm clock ring, he hoped Jared wasn't in the shower before him and bolted for the shower. After 15 minutes or so of dressing up, he walked into Jared's-their-bedroom and saw no Jared. Glancing at the time, he cursed. He was 30 minutes late for work. The bastard already made Cliff drive him to the set. Jensen bared his knuckle and bit on it. Grabbing a cab (since Jared took his car keys), he ran to the set on time to play Dean Winchester.
Grabbing some beers was always their thing with the guys every Sunday, it was a way to catch up and not lose sight of what was important, especially in LA. Jensen woke up from his nap and the noticed the house was empty. Dammit Jared. He was already there. He took their friends to their place on Sunday, leaving him--Jensen out of it. Forcing back the tears that threatened to fall, Jensen took a shower and disappeared for the rest of the day. If Jared was gonna go out without telling him, so was he. The bastard.
Jensen shuffled back into the house at the wee hours of the morning, drunk and high. Jared was gonna be pissed but did he care? Hell No. He couldn't even remember the last time they much less talked to each other. Jensen sat on the sofa. He couldn't even remember the last time they had an intimate moment. The worst part was he didn't know what he did. They had just been fighting a lot and then...nothing. Just silence. Jensen wanted Jared to feel his pain but all he was doing was making himself more miserable. His Jared was gone and it was over for the both of them.
Jensen didn't know how to deal with it. It's like their broken up but not. Things weren't always this way, they were the golden couple and everybody looked up to them and Jensen still wanted that. He already tried apologizing but Jared never wanted to hear it. Looking longingly at their bedroom door, Jensen thought he heard a giggle and staggered towards it. Hearing a moan next, Jensen tried to make his muddled brain put two and two together and put his palm to his mouth. Feeling the world tilt, he backed away from the door when he heard Jared's name drawn out in a long groan. No. He couldn't...his Jared would never...no. Jensen left the apartment, tears pouring unknowingly.
It was too much. He could take the silence. But this...he just couldn't. It hurt too much.
Strikes of Lightning-Jensen's POV
I do not own the boys
Second Installment to 'Clap of Thunder'. Enjoy...
Summary: The tears would dry...they always did.
It's been months and everyday is a blur. Jensen lost himself in a routine that has become his life. He times himself for every little thing he does, from when he wakes up to when he comes back from the set. His mind is in overdrive but he hardly notices. He just has to...get away. He can't sit and think. The mere though of Jared always made him stop and think and cry and he just…did not wanna go there.
So instead, he worked himself extra hard, ignoring concerned gazes thrown at him. He dam well knew how he looked thankyouverymuch; he had to see it every godamn morning. Sleep wasn't exactly on his agenda these days. The less dreams of Jared, the better.
Jensen sipped his coffee and scrubbed at the itchy fake blood plastered at the side of his chin as he walked towards his car. Yeah, Cliff didn't drive him anymore...he couldn’t imagine sitting next to Jared in silence. Talk about awkward...
Jensen chuckled humorlessly and started the ignition. Stopping at a yellow light, Jensen stopped and stared at a distance. Jared always did the tongue thing whenever he stopped at a yellow light... Jensen sat motionless not noticing the traffic light turn green. It was the loud beep of an angry car which brought him back to life. He stepped on the accelerator, ignoring the tears silently flowing. Jensen parked his car in one of the many hotel parking lots and got out. The tears would dry...they always did.
Jensen locked himself in his room and checked his phone. No messages. No one really called him these days...wonder what Jared told their friends...
Jensen didn't want to talk to anyone about it yet so it was okay, he didn’t even want to admit it to himself that his Jared was gone. So, Jensen puttered and drank beer. Getting shitfaced was always an alternative to thinking.
Strikes of Lightning-Jared's POV
I do not own the boys
Second part of the Installment to 'Strikes of Lightning'. Enjoy...
Summary: God, he knew he fucked up. He just couldn't let it go and lost Jensen.
Jared looked at the gloomy weather which perfectly mirrored his mood and grabbed clumps of hair in frustration. He heaved a breath and made an attempt to knock at Jensen's trailer door only for his fist to draw back.
After several minutes of warring with himself, he backed up and trudged back to his trailer. He'll talk to Jensen when they were both ready.
Sitting on the sofa rigidly, Jared grabbed at his bangs, hot tears falling freely. God, he knew he fucked up. Big time. He just couldn't let it go and lost Jensen. He knew Jensen figured out what happened. He fucking cheated on the best thing that happened to him with one-night-stand-Genevieve. Of all people. Jared always knew Jensen had it out for her but never voiced or showed it. Jared appreciated and loved him even more for that but Jared crossed the line just to spite Jensen for something he couldn't even remember anymore. It's a miracle they still had their jobs, it wasn’t hard creating that chemistry when needed, always felt like slipping into a pair of old jeans but something was off and Kripke was starting to tear off the hair he didn’t have.
Jared needed to talk to Jensen, at least to ensure their job's safety. Jensen could hate him forever (god knew he hated himself enough) but Jared would never jeopardize Jensen's career with relationship problems they had no business having in the first place.
It was too important. Jared snorted. He was such an asshole. Hearing the pitter patters of rain droplets, Jared hugged himself. Pulling up Jensen's blanket at the foot of his couch, he snuggled into the faint smell of his ex-lover. If he could never have Jensen, at least he had this. His scent.
Bubbles of Clouds
I do not own the boys
All part of the Over!Verse
-After Claps of Thunder & Strikes of Lightning.
Summary: He would hear Jared out, he owed their relationship that much.
“Meet me at Bailey's by 7. Please”.
Jensen stared open mouthed at the screen and frowned, the taut lines of his face drawn down in anger. Fucking Jared, always ruining everything. He couldn't even give Jensen this.
Over the past few months, they had fallen into a routine of sorts; which basically involved avoiding each other. Jensen finally got his shit together and moved his stuff out of Jared's house into a little condo.
And even though he stopped looking out the window a little less often these days didn't mean everything was peachy keen. But at least he wastrying. Not thinking of Jared had become his main priority and it was working just a little and the fucking bastard ruined it. The asshole.
Glancing at his watch, Jensen muttered, shuffled to his bathroom and emerged 45 minutes later feeling marginally better.
Arriving a few minutes early, Jensen ordered a beer and waited. 15 minutes later, strolled in Jared looking pale and sunken. Jensen smirked maliciously.
He would hear Jared out, he owed their relationship that much.
“So” Jared started, refusing the beer when a waiter sidled up to their table.
“So” Jensen continued raising an eyebrow in surprise at Jared's refusal of alcohol. He sure as hell needed it.
“Look, I’ll try to make this as painless as its turning out to be. If I came here to apologize, you would hate me forever anyway but I am sorry, sosorry, you don't understand Jensen—I am sorry and I hope you will forgive me” Jared said fidgeting and running fingers through his hair, and trying not to make eye contact with his ex-lover. When he got no reply from Jensen, he continued. “I wanted to tell you that we have to step it up. Kripke's watching us like a hawk. I can feel it. Everything's good, we just have to be more...careful” with that Jared took a look at Jensen's blank expression and shifted his eyes downwards then shuffled out of his seat, intending to leave.
Feeling hot tears cascade down his cheeks, Jared hastily wiped them, pulled his jacket closer to his body and left the bar. It was over, it was really over.
Jogging around back of the seedy bar, Jared bowed his head and wept into the cold air. He was so sorry and it hurt so damn much. He couldn’t catch his breath fast enough and knew he was having a panic attack. Clutching his chest and gasping through his mouth rapidly, darkness over took him and Jared slid down the alley wall, not noticing the red, white and blue flashing lights of the ambulance.
Splatters of Rain
I do not own the boys
After Claps of Thunder, Strikes of Lightning (I&II) and Bubbles of Clouds, the tags should help to find them.
Summary: Looking back at the whole situation, Jared smiled bitterly. It was all so stupid, so fucking stupid.
<--Previously:Bubbles of Clouds
Green eyes looked at him playfully, and ran towards strong arms, Sadie and Harley chasing after Jensen’s tailcoat.
Grabbing his lover’s thin waist, Jared heaved and twirled Jensen around delighting in the giggle Jensen let loose. He was gonna hold that over his head for ~weeks~ for that one. Jensen rolled his eyes playfully and huffed.
Jared smirked and put down his green eyed, sexy as hell, gorgeous-as-ever lover. Jensen looked up at him with love in his eyed and Jared couldn’t help thumbing those cheeks and leaning in for a chaste kiss.
Jared’s eyelids moved but didn’t open, he knew he was dreaming because there was justno way…feeling his senses awaken, he bolted up from his bed, tears running down his cheeks. The smell of antiseptic hit him immediately causing him to stagger into the bathroom to throw up on an empty stomach.
Afterwards, he managed to rinse his mouth in the nearby sink, looking up, he didn’t recognize himself anymore. Oily hair, pale skin, sunken, red rimmed eyes…Jared shuddered and crouched over the pristine sink, shoulders shaking in loss.
That had been a year ago. A lot had changed since then, he left the hospital (for one). Secondly, his momma made him come back home for a while and nursed him back to health. Explaining to her why Jensen wasn’t there was third on his list. Crying came last, lots of it. After his trip to Texas was over and was able to walk out of his bedroom without bursting into tears… Jared went back to Vancouver and finished off the fifth season of Supernatural, Jensen also decided it was best not to come back for another season. So, Supernatural was over and that was the end of it.
Looking back at the whole situation, Jared smiled bitterly. It was all so stupid, so fucking stupid. Shaking his head, Jared ruffled the back of his head in contemplation. One thing did boggle him though…he never did know who took him to the hospital…
Shrugging it off as one of those things he might never know, he continued living.
Life would go on; he would be filming that new Jerry Bruckheimer movie in a couple of weeks and Jensen…
Jensen would be getting married tomorrow. It still hurt but Jared would get through it.
Placing his fingers on the picture of the man he loved, Jared traced the beautiful features.
They would get through it. Wiping his last tears for his past love, he placed the photo frame back into one of the brown, moving boxes. He had to.
Title: Rays of Sunshine
Our love was lost::But now we've found it::Our love was lost, was lost::And hope was gone…
Jensen sat at the table and tried not to burst into tears. He thought he would hate Jared upon seeing him face-to-face again. Even though they both see each other at work everyday, it wasn’t the same. For some reason, sitting down to face Jared was painful. He didn’t expect it.
As soon as Jared left the bar, he so wanted to run after him. Just to find out why. Why? How did this happen? How did this become them? Jensen felt his world tilt just a little bit and he staggered and stopped himself. Grabbing the nearest surface, it hit him. He felt so lost without Jared in his life. With the initial anger (never hate) against Jared was wiped out his mind, he just missed his best friend.
Even though their relationship as lovers didn’t work out, he missed hisbest friend. Pushing himself off the alley wall, he intended to go home and think long and hard about him and Jared before everything was final. Over.
Hearing harsh gasps come from the alley, Jensen turned his head in curiosity and a bit of fear. What he saw cemented his thoughts about the night.
Dialing 911, he ran over to the now unconscious Jared. Placing the heavy head on his lap, Jensen checked for his vital signs. Good, he still breathed. Jensen traced his ex-lover’s features and prayed to god nothing to help him. He knew Jared had panic attacks once in awhile but to pass out? To say Jensen was scared was a huge understatement. Their meeting must’ve impacted him a lot. And that, that was why Jensen held unto Jared.
It felt like light years when the ambulance came. It was all a blur to Jensen after they wheeled in Jared into the van. All he knows is that he would not leave Jared’s side.
Sure, they weren’t on good terms and they still had a lot to talk about but this, this he couldn’t walk away from. Jared was still his best friend and he would rather have that than nothing.
Jensen squeezed pale hands tight and held on. He still had this.
:: Our love was lost::But now we've found it::And if you flash your heart, your heart::I won't deny it::I promise…
Rays of Sunshine-II
I do not own the boys
Decided a part deux might make me even happier about this ‘verse. Inspired by Temper Trap’s “Love Lost” Enjoy...
Summary: …it has to be…only in his dreams would Jensen ever hug him.
:: I know it's hard::But I can still hear it beating::So if you flash your heart::I won't mistreat it::I promise…
Jared opened his eyes and peered around the pristine room that was unfamiliar. He bolted up and regretted it immediately. The smell of antiseptic made him want to gag but most of all his head…the room felt smeared in his mind’s vision so he lay back down, closing his eyes. Feeling the tug of needles on his arms, he winced and yanked his arms causing further pain.
Feeling hands holding him down, Jared started fighting with the unknown person, making the needles completely yank out of his arm.
“Jared! Jared! Jare!J! It’s just me!”
Jared snapped his eyes open and immediately took solace in warm arms. This has to be a dream…it has to be…only in his dreams would Jensen ever hug him.
Jared held on tighter and squeezed.
Jensen let out a tight huff of amused breath and also held Jared tighter and petted his hair. Feeling Jared relax against him, he gently covered him with the white blanket and watched him sleep.
Waking up to see Jensen’s face swimming in his vision, Jared smiled unknowingly.
“Are you a dream?” Jared asked cupping Jensen’s cheek.
Jensen smiled sadly and pried Jared’s fingers off his cheek. Shaking his head, he kissed Jared on the forehead and left the room.
Jared frowned and smiled. Jensen…
Feeling his heart swell, silent tears tracked themselves down his cheeks. Jared let them.
Silent quakes of his shoulders began then Jared couldn’t breathe once he started crying heavily. He tried to reign in his breath but he just couldn’t draw in enough oxygen. So he let himself have another panic attack.
Getting a nurse, Jensen quickly walked back to Jared’s room. He couldn’t let Jared out of his sight before something else happened. Something worse…Jensen shuddered. He knew he wouldn’t be able to deal with it.
Seeing Jared lying on the bed with the white blankets surrounding his legs wasn’t a surprise but the puffy, red eyes were. Jensen frowned. Something wasn’t right here…
Bending down to Jared’s chest, he listened for a heart beat. Nothing. Jensen had a moment of panic so he checked his pulse to be sure.
A small thrum met his fingers and Jensen panicked and shouted for the nurse.
Everything slowed down immediately for Jensen. He shut down and couldn’t move. Jared…
He couldn’t even cry. He just…
Jensen sat on one of the plastic chairs and waited. That’s all he could right now.
Getting Jared’s diagnoses was a bitch but he did it with his celebrity status and Jensen felt so Hollywood right now but he didn’t give a damn. Jared was in there and so should he.
Turns out, Jared almost died.
Not enough oxygen was reaching his brain and he almost died. All because of him…
Jensen wept immediately he saw the pale, white face, and held unto the clammy hands.
Feeling those pale hands hold his as well, Jensen threw himself unto Jared’s chest.
“Don’t you fucking do that to me again!”
Jared could barely chuckle, so he grabbed for Jensen and held tightly. Suddenly it didn’t matter what happened for the past few months, he had Jensen back in his arms and he couldn’t be happier.
Jensen held back just as tightly and cried into Jared’s chest.
A startled nurse entered the room to see two men holding unto each other so tightly they seemed fused together.
She smiled fondly and exited the room, the little snick of the door being the only noise in the slightly lit hallway.
:: Oh, our love was lost::Lost, lost, lost, lost..::Our love was lost::But now its found.